Most things in the world around you are not “extreme”. There is a good chance that the coffee or tea that you drink at the train station every day doesn’t taste “extremely good” or “extremely bad”. Rather, it is more likely to taste somewhere in between the two extremes. Similarly, your colleagues in the office are probably not “extremely friendly” or “extremely unfriendly”, but more likely to be somewhere in between.
Unfortunately, your mind can have the tendency to only think in extremes (e.g. that coffee is extremely good, my colleagues are extremely bad etc), rather than seeing things in a more realistic “in-between way”. Psychologists have named this way of thinking, where one’s mind thinks in extremes, as “all or nothing” thinking.
The example below of “all or nothing” thinking will show you how it can cause harm.
Imagine that you have a good friend called Sally who has been a true friend to you for many years, sharing your happiness and troubles. Sally has always gone out of her way to be helpful to you whenever you are in need.
Let us now imagine that today is your birthday and that Sally, perhaps because she was busy, forgot to wish you. Because of “all or nothing” thinking your mind makes you think, “Sally is a really terrible person who does not care about me at all. How could she forget my birthday, when she knows I like people to wish me? She is completely useless, etc.” In this scenario, “all or nothing” thinking is making you think only in extremes. You ignore all the good that Sally has done over the years, and instead, let this one error made by her, make her “all bad”.
As you have seen in the above examples, “all or nothing” thinking can make one make incorrect judgments. When you assess a person or situation, take a step back and check if you are truly seeing things in a “balanced way”, which means seeing both the good and the bad in everything.